4 Years Later

Well, It's been 3 years plus I never been updating any of my life, nor whatsoever happened here. Although there isn't any reader here. I know there's still someone will dropby sometimes to read the posts. Days after days, and years after years, I had been learning to let go, I shall not say let go, perhaps its just to keep something deep inside my heart which it will not be noticed until one day I received a message again. There is how it started again after so almost 4 years. Life changed us, and we do changing to fit the challenges in life. Otherwise we aren't able to survive till today. I can't say it's good, nor saying it's a bad one though. I learnt not to ask much, learnt to accept, however I still do not learn the ability calls let go. It's not right but it's not wrong too, things may be changing but there's still always something don't change. Thanks for the good time and I appreciate that. Good night world. Loves <3 N.I.E

This is the last time

I am tired of been toying around. When I asking a question, You will be throwing the question back to me.

I started to believe that, what had happen between us it was just a fling, not love. I hardly can accept that,but, I have to. Seeing is believing, I choose not to believe because I love you I trust you but ended up. You ignore me. Well, thanks for ignoring and went offline straight. It's a big slap on my face and it wakes me up thank you. I will delete the previous posts that I had been showing how much I love you

偶然发现

有一种爱，挂着泪珠，但很凄美……
有一种爱，很凄迷
有一种爱，只能远望

有一种爱，注定要成传奇… …
有一种爱，像遥远的大海，即使被酷日蒸干了水分，
它仍会化作甘霖，遍洒饥渴的大地… …

有一种爱，叫放弃，
明知道许多事情是没有答案的，
却想找寻一个答案，真的好累…

有一种爱，叫忍让，忍让也是一种爱。
以爱的方式善待对方的缺陷，
用包容的胸怀宽恕自己的爱人，给他一个悔悟的机会，
留一个自省的空间，于平平淡淡中演绎经典，
在无声无语中融洽恩爱。
这样，即使是不传奇的爱情也将变得永恒；
再平淡的婚姻，依然一如既往令人流连。

有一种爱，叫放手
曾经天真的以为不管时间和空间的距离有多长多远，
感情一定会恒久不变，因为爱是没有理由的……..
爱不能成为牵绊，所以要选择放手，
从容的让彼此走出彼此的世界。
凡事到极至，伤也会痛。
其实爱过就会懂，
彼此个性的太过坚强终究会是一起生活的阴影。

昨日的幸福已成为一种痕迹。
两人能携手走完整人生固然美好，
可陪上了一段也应心存感激了。

爱一个人不是要成为所爱的人的牵绊，
只要心中有爱，生活总是那么美好。

相遇是一种缘，相识，相恋更是一种缘，
缘起而聚，缘尽而散，放手才是真爱！

有一种爱，它的名字就叫放手！

有一种爱，叫离开

曾经以为自己的爱情能够长久，
曾经以为真心的付出就能够换来幸福。

其实错了… …

爱情给的唯一的东西就是背叛，无情的背叛！
曾经是那么相爱的两个人，转眼陌路。
留下的是残缺不全的记忆和心痛。

没有想到结局会是这样，曾经的海誓山盟，
曾经的天长地久转眼都成了飞灰。
还记得她口中的永远，让我恍若梦中，
但梦醒的时候，才发觉她早已离开。

曾经在心中千万次的乞求她回来，回到我的身边，
回来修补我早已残缺不全的心，
但我知道那不可能。

经常惊醒于午夜梦回的黑暗中，我的心都好痛，
是思念一个人的疼痛，看着夜空中的星星，
想着远方属于你的夜，
你还好吗？一直都快乐吗？
没有我在身边是不是
有另外一个人去关心你，爱你呢？

我现在唯一的愿望只是希望再见你一面，
但我又怕见你，怕见到你，
我的心又会再一次的被捏碎。

我只有对自己说不要再去想她，不要再想了，
虽然她的影子从未离开过。

生活还是要过的。
其实有种爱叫作离开。
再见了，我的爱人。。。
如果你也是和我一样的话，朋友，
我希望你看开点，
离开不全是坏事，雨过总会天晴的。

还是希望天下的有情人都能终成眷属。
有一种爱，我们不能称之为爱情。　
　
虽然有同样的心动，同样的怀想，
同样乍然相见的喜悦，依依不舍的眷恋，
但世间总有一种约束，让心思沉静，
让感情不再漂泊，发乎情，只能，止乎礼。
　
但依然可以在阳光下享受难得的温情，
依然可以在午夜梦回时心生柔情，
依然可以相信自己的完美与可爱，
在这些温柔的情愫里。
有一种爱，可以默默的爱，
默默的理解，默默在心里装满祝福，
挥一挥手，让春草绵绵，落红成阵。
　
就是有这样的感情啊，
飘荡成缠绵而温暖的空气，
就是在这样无心的眷恋里，
我们认识自己也认识世间，
就是有这样无缘而有情的瞬间，
让我们轻轻的叹息，深深的爱，
　
虽然我们相爱，但我们，不称之为爱情。

有一种爱，永远难以启齿，
在心里长久地埋着，象百年的老窖。
那是一种怎样的折磨，又是一种怎样的煎熬，
就象碧清的湖水拦在要决堤的边缘，
满满地晃动着，晃动着。

风吹来的时候，湖面总是微微地起着波澜，
激动不已的湖水偶尔也会从堤坝上快速地流出来，
但仅仅只是那么一点点，即而又悄悄地探回头去，
湖面继续保持平静。

我惊叹堤岸的坚守，我也诧异湖水的满盈，
但我更加看好风儿的微动。
我想这爱是一种绝美的诗词，这爱是美妙的弦乐。

不能让风儿来得凶猛，
怕轻盈的湖水失去控制；
最终，让绝美的诗词成为污秽，
让美妙的弦乐发不出声响。

多想让爱发出声响啊！
可那是一种毁灭，善良绝对不充许这样；
多想让爱明白啊！
可怎么忍心看爱有为难，
情感也不能饶恕爱胡来。

就这样默默地去爱，永远放在心头来爱；
当风吹来的时候，就让湖水激动地涌出堤岸，
一点点就已足够了，
就象喝第一口的茶水，才能品出味道。

只要轻盈的湖水永远不下沉，
只要坚固的堤岸永远拦得住湖水；
相信湖水总是会泛出激情，
堤岸也总是能感到坚强。

有一种爱，永远难以启齿，
可这种爱来得持久，来得绝美

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 < 3 <3

你有没有觉的很熟悉？这是你以前在friendster post的一篇文，最近又想你了，不知道为什么，也许是凌晨下的雨令我更觉得孤独。我一直告诉别人，我把你给忘了，我可以开始接受新的恋情，夜里，我却在跟自己的思绪作战。我不停的问自己，你做到这样了，怎么我还是不能够把你给忘了？也许你连看都不会在看我的部落格，也许我也真的是别人口中所说的笨蛋。但，无论如何，我还是有我的坚持；感觉上好像很笨，每个人都叫我放了吧，忘掉你，如果我真的是能够这么做，我一定会。哪一个晚上，你怀疑我的爱，我真的很痛

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 < 3 <3

我又开始失眠了，对不起，我没有做到我承诺的，我很想好好的照顾自己，但是，我不能平静下来。就算我睡，我也会无可预期的从梦中惊醒。你一直都出现在我梦里，是日有所思吗？你的生日就快到了，还有一个星期。我很想把礼物送到你面前，但你会见我吗？我真的开始乱了，乱了脚步，乱了心情。

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 < 3 <3

2 weeks.

Waited for two weeks for no reply. NO online? What am I waiting for? I should have admit that I still cannot let go. I am just keeping all these inside my heart, my mind.
I had been forcing myself to be busy, not to think about you. However, I cant sleep well. Even i fall asleep, I dream of you again and again. I kept myself awake just to see whether you online. Hoping for a chat, Just a simple chatting with you, but, I don't see anything. Every night I keep myself awake with a hope, it ends with broken heart. I kept telling myself. You are busy, you got no time. I don't know why, but i choose to lie to myself. I used to give everything a fake hope.

I can feel that my immune system is getting weaker nowadays. I don't know how to make myself sleep at night. No matter how tired am I, I will still wake up, Log into my msn and checking if u are online. Am I stupid? I am telling my friends that I don't care and I won't think anymore. But the truth is, I am not. When I am busy with my work, there's nothing much to bother. I hope that there's something else for me to do at night, late at night I mean. Just to keep myself occupied, and not to think again. Is there anything I can do during mid night???

o.O

Why must people keep acting like they understand every situation that people is getting over? Commenting alot and just simply saying people doing wrong things? I can't stop others from commenting on my page but, I freaking hate those people who just simply wants to gain attentions from others, commenting my action, and talking in the way like they are experienced. Well, today Im really pissed off after meeting up my ex and talking for a couple of time.

The topic are just the same damm thing again. I am so pissed off and tired of all these. The arguement wasn't finish after I sent her home. When I am on my way to subang I did a few sms with her and, I was keep telling her that I really got nothing with Leng yein ( simply bcz she is just keep on thinking that I do have something with Leng Yein WTF!!! ). I feel so sick of it. Whatever I explain she didn't wanna listen. Well, what to do.

The message that makes me feel so angry is the last msg that she sent me. Which is about, I am gonna go get my guy in the club now. =O I asked her why must she do this. she said that the body is hers and she have the right to do anything she likes. =__=

I am going crazy. I'd been suffering from past few weeks. One left without any notification. Another one is just like, wanna make me more emo. Is there any problem if i post my feelings on facebook? Why must you guys come and shoot me and say I make people looking down on me? SO WHAT IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM NOW? DO YOU GUYS REALLY HAVE PROBLEM WITH ME??

我还是我吗?

曾经以为，我是个很潇洒的人，可以说放就放。直到今天，我才发现原来我比一个女生还要不如。
我一直告诉你，我很看得开，但其实我很小心眼，只是我的小心眼不会让你看见。正是这样，在你眼中，你的离开并不会对我造成任何影响，你错了。也许在你眼里，我很花心，我很潇洒，其实我心底里只是个小男人。想要和我最爱的在一起，我可以为你做任何事。忍也忍了，说也说了，哭也哭了，最后我得到的，确实连一句话都没留下的离开？是你的决定？还是他的决定？应该都不重要了。

你一直告诉我，他阻止你打电话给我，facebook、msn也是他回我的。我很想知道，到底是什么，令你离不开他。我得不到答案。今天，有个朋友告诉我，你是被我搞烦了，所以换电话号码。她告诉我，要潇洒，女生最不喜欢拖泥带水的男生；也许我是，但这也只是因为我爱你，我不能随意的就放下。如果是以前的我，我会毫不犹豫的开始一段新感情，就算这是在麻醉自己也好，把她当成是救生圈也好，这一切一切都是以前我涌来麻醉自己的方法。去喝酒，找一夜情，只是为了不想。
现在，我做不到，因为我承诺过。

朋友们都在说，我们和一夜情什么分别，叫我别再想太多了，说我可以找到更好的。可是，我真的放不下，也许是我不想放下，因为我太固执了。每一个晚上，不管什么时候睡觉，我都会在半夜突然醒来，满脑子都是你。早上醒来，想的也是你。我很累，我恨自己为什么要这么专情？

我会继续过我的生活，想你又能怎样？我真的不能做任何事情，因为我走前了，而你却退后了。或许有一天你回来告诉我说，你们要结婚了或者是分手了；或许你就从此不再联络我了，我不知道。我会好好生活，我答应过你的。会定时吃，定时睡，等有一天你回来，我会是健健康康的。

***在这里我要谢谢那些一直陪着我，开解我的朋友。如果没有你们，我也许真的崩溃了。我会慢慢好起来的。

FInally

You finally did that to me. I love you but still you did that to me. Well, he is still that important to you, so I hope that your journey with him really goes well. I was trying to give myself a time, but now, is you who don't give me time, neither a chance.( may be is him )

Anyway, I am gonna live my life, You told me that you jealous because I flirt with other girls in facebook. Did you ever thought of what you did to me in the club. I felt the same damm thing. I was planning to buy something, for our monthlyvessary, for you to keep it as a memory. The proven of our love. But, it's all gone. I am going to keep all these up. Who knows one day, you might calling me up, and telling me that "dar, can I come and see you now? " this is what I wish to hear from you.

Since you made the final step, It's time for me to move. Whatever you said. I really don't want to remember. But I will remember whatever I told you.